Almost a week into 2024, it was about time that some celebrity or other whipped the internet into a frantic, braying froth of lust – and on Thursday that honour went to The Bear star and rumoured Rosalía BF Jeremy Allen White, who stripped down to his boxers for a Calvin Klein shoot that (not to be unprofessional) has me sweating like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News.
I’ve always known that JAW (sexy acronym, by the way) was ridiculously hot, in a guy-whose-profile-is-etched-on-a-Roman-coin sort of way, but I simply did not know he was a jacked Greek god underneath his dingy white T-shirt and chef’s apron! (In other words, no, I have not seen The Iron Claw.) I’m not going to spend too much time enumerating White’s aesthetically pleasing physical characteristics because (1) as I said, it’s 2024, and (2) his abs quite frankly speak for themselves, but I’m delighted to see the absolute cornucopia of horniness that the Calvin Klein campaign has unleashed on social media. “FINE WE WILL BUY WHATEVER IS BEING SOLD,” wrote one Instagram commenter, while another sensibly asked: “Where do I send the bill for the phone I just dropped?” (Personally, I’m partial to the person wondering where White’s belly button is. Kyle XY vibes!)
I don’t think you need to be this ridiculously built to be hot, of course, but admiring such a perfectly sculpted bod feels a bit like taking a walk in a neighbourhood whose houses you can’t afford or window-shopping at Dior (or my stoner equivalent of Dior, Edie Parker, where the fanciful glass pipes start at $95, but I digress). In an interview with GQ, White noted that he got his body campaign-ready with the usual suspects – “ran, jumped rope, and did calisthenics. Ate plenty of fish” – and while I plan to keep my yoga restorative (aka as a floor nap) and my fish fried in the new year, I wish White all the best with his legendary hotness.